30 years ago, I was asked to come and speak about family law to a local workshop for those struggling with separation and divorce. At the time, I was a partner in a London family law practice and was taking some time off following the birth of my first child. I arrived at the workshop feeling confident; I understood the law and could explain the factors which influence how children and finance issues are resolved following a separation.
I sat in the groups and listened to those present talk about their situations. The issues they faced had little to do with law. They were about loss, conflict, communication, fear, managing anger, boundaries, hurt, betrayal…. Overarching all of these was a deep wish to protect children and not leave them negatively affected by their parents splitting up. (Plus, for some, a very real sense of frustration with their ex and a strong wish for space and distance). As I listened, it became increasingly clear that the skills I had as a family lawyer could offer little to the needs of this group. I had no training beyond the application of law to a set of facts.
That evening set me on a different course, to broaden skills and work more holistically to learn from other professional disciplines. I realised that the ‘go-to’ professional for many should not be a person with legal skills so much as a person with relationship skills; a person who could help a parent to lay down the tug-of-war rope, and be willing to see things from their child’s perspective.
I could not be more thrilled to see the arrival of the Separated Parenting Programme Directory. These programmes are exactly the place to tackle these relationship challenges. They address one’s own feelings about the other parent, managing conflict, establishing healthy boundaries, the dynamics of good communication. They provide the toolkit for navigating separation in a way that protects children. The goal is to emerge with a strong and healthy family dynamic in separate homes.
This is one of the most exciting developments in a 30+ year career of working with separating families. As a mediator I say to all my clients it’s worth going on one of these programmes. Now we have a directory, they can easily find the right one for
them. I know they will benefit but much more importantly, this is just fantastic news for children.
To discover programmes designed to support parents and protect children through separation, visit…
The Separated Parenting Programme Directory
Written by:
Helen Adam,
Family Mediator, and one of the Founding Partners of Wells Family Mediation.